Tales of the Ninja Chicken

Havergal Brian: The Wrap Up of the Gothic

darthtanion — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 13:16:58 +0000

I have no witty entry to this blog. My brain is fried. I’m tired. I’m… lost for words… completely. That is of course excepting the ones I have thus far used to articulate the fact that my perspicacity has expired. Why? You may ask. Because my poor tiny brain is yet to recover from the mammoth task of participating in the first production of Havergal Brian’s Symphony No. 1 in 30 years. So, with that in mind, I cautiously begin…

The Gothic Symphony: The Wrap Up

OK, first things first. What the hell is a Gothic Symphony? Well, long, long ago a man named Havergal Brian decided he loved the Gothic era architecture but at the same time hated musicians & singers. What to do, what to do? Then, genius (& perhaps sadism) struck. He would write the world’s most hardest-est piece of music that ever there was & hope when you listened to it you thought of gargoyles & big pillars. The following 8 years gave rise to his first symphony, The Gothic Symphony, & is widely regarded as the world’s hardest piece of music to perform. I have to admit that when you perform this piece you really don’t think of gargoyles all that much. You more think of the devil himself sitting at a desk covered in manuscript saying to himself “ooooooh Luke is so going to regret not giving $2 to that armless, legless, homeless, hatless orphan last Christmas.”

Now that you know what we’re talking about, let’s talk about it. When I first heard that we were doing a production of the hardest piece of music in existence I wasn’t particularly surprised. I’ve known the chorusmaster for some time now (I’ll get to her later) & nothing she does is particularly surprising anymore. I swear, if she had rocked up to rehearsal wearing a Woody the Cowboy costume with a squid for a hat I would have just assumed she couldn’t find her lederhosen. That is to say, she isn’t one to back away from something just because nobody else seems to want to do it. In all honesty I can’t say I know why I signed up to be in the chorus. Perhaps it was because I was looking for a new project, perhaps it was just because it seemed like the thing to do. All I know is that I never imagined myself not being part of it. I love music & I love insanity so doing an insane piece of music was kind of a no brainer.

No brainer or not, I have to admit that when I was asked to be the tenor soloist I came out with the complete rainbow of colourful language. I was terrified but how can you turn an opportunity like that down? Thankfully, my fear was completely unwarranted. The more I worked on the project the more I discovered that no individual part was really that difficult. Yes every part was a challenge but not insurmountably so. The only people who really had ridiculously impossible tasks were the chorusmaster (Alison Rogers), her assistant (Dane Leeson), the maestro (John Curro) & the répétiteur (David Mibus). The thing about each of these jobs was the fact that they had to worry about everybody, not just themselves. How they managed to keep going through it all I will never know but there is a quote I love:

My candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends It gives a lovely light! - Edna St. Vincent Millay

I think this is a statement that will always ring true of those four people, perhaps with the exception of the “it will not last the night” part. Those guys partied much longer into the night than I after the show. Perhaps we should amend it to “it will not last past 4am on a school night.”

A few days after the symphony I was thinking about how well it all went & where it would go from here. It hasn’t been done for 30 years. Would it be that long until it is done again? To be honest, I don’t think so. One of the biggest things we fought throughout the whole ordeal was ourselves & our attitude towards what we were doing. Yes, we were all committed but almost everybody, myself included, started out with a defeated outlook & had to prove themselves wrong before they truly got onboard & I think that’s why it has been so long since anybody has attempted it. (If that makes any sense.) Now, however, it hasbeen done. It’s no longer this impossible undertaking attempted only by the foolish & the damned. I think the real curse of the Gothic is The Curse of The Gothic. It has become a self fulfilling prophecy because the first thing everybody hears when someone mentions it is that this is the hardest piece of music in the world, it’s impossible & it’s cursed. Hopefully, when people bring up The Gothic Symphony now, they will hear that it was done by a tiny group of committed music lovers just for the hell of it.

I guess that’s it. Nothing more to say except that I hope everybody had a great Christmas & I’m sorry for not blogging for so long. (I’ve been a little pre-occupied.) Farewell for now & always remember, if at first you don’t succeed, kill everybody who knew you were involved & deny, deny, deny.

Unless there is a next time,
Goodbye forever.

Luke Venables
Half-Baked Ideas Merchant
(Half-microwaved ideas available for those on the go.)

Miss Saigon vs The Ninja Chicken

darthtanion — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 14:30:37 +0000

Howdy doody folks. If you laughed because I said doody then you need help. (You need help with doody… hehe. High five!) Anywho, I have just returned from an evening at the theatre & have decided to load up the slingshot that is my ego & use it to launch my overrated opinion at you. That’s right folks. Please put on your goggles & attach something to protect your junk because here it comes, hard & fast…

Miss Saigon: The Review

Executive Summary: While not always perfect, this is a great production of an amazing show.

Review: As with pretty much all of my reviews I have to preface this by saying that many of the people in this show are personal friends of mine. This means that my opinion is completely un-objective & you can’t believe a word I am saying. Of course, this is a blog, so if you were really planning on investing stock in the opinions expressed here I really think you need to re-evaluate what the internet is about. It’s about lies & pornography & I’m not so sure all of the pornography is the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth either but I digress.

I have to admit, when I heard Ignatians was doing the first amateur production of Miss Saigon seen in Brisbane I was skeptical. No particularly surprised, however, Ignatians has a tendency to put on big shows & after the success of Les Miserables last year it was obvious they were looking for something that would really make people sit up & take notice. I am happy to say I was pleasantly surprised tonight by the standard of the production they put on but first, let me say what I didn’t like so we can get that out of the way.

The set. Apologies to everyone I just offended, there was obviously so much work put into the revolving flats which were flipped & rotated to make up almost every scene & I know set design does come down to personal preference a lot of the time but I just didn’t get it. The colour pallet didn’t seem to have any real continuity & I always felt as though I was missing some symbolism somewhere. Perhaps I was. I also disagreed with some of Kat Henry’s choices in direction. Again, personal preference but this is my blog so who’s preference were you expecting to hear about?

Right, now that that’s over, let’s get on to what I did like & there is plenty to like about this performance. The casting in this show is great. Everyone fits their roles so well. I was actually a little shocked that they managed to find people who could not only sing the roles but sing them so effortlessly. Brad McCaw & John Peek were great as Chris & John & both had some amazing moments which really stuck with me. Wade Colbran-Thomas gave an outstanding performance as Thuy & really commanded the stage every time he entered it. I do have to say however that I think the women slightly outdid the men. I’m not just talking about the ladies in skimpy underwear. Yes they were absolutely stunning, I’m still not sure what the hell The Engineer was talking about while they were in Bangkok & I don’t care. I can’t recall every seeing a ‘sexy’ scene in a musical done so… well… sexily. Especially with community theatre. Normally they just seem awkward & apologetic. You know what I mean. ”Sorry folks, we know it’s rude but it’s in the script & we’re trying to be artists. It will be over soon I promise & then we’ll get back to some singing.” The brothel scenes were sexy & most of all fun. A special hat tip to the lady-boys on stage. I kind of wanted to burn my eyes out watching those skirts ride up to reveal what I can only describe as a devilishly clever plan to smuggle walnuts on stage but it was very funny all the same. However, the girls who really stole the show for me were the ones who had the hardest job. That job being living up to the inevitable comparison I was going to make between them & my two favorite Broadway stars, Lea Salonga & Ruthie Henshall. Natasha York (Ellen) did a stunning job of owning her role. She had impressive vocals during her solos & blended beautifully during the duets & the quartet. However, while I’m not going to play favourites, Kimie Tsukakoshi (Kim) was my favourite. She was just fantastic. Strong, confident vocals backed by a passionate, heartfelt portrayal of a young girl trapped hopelessly in love with a man & a life she can only dream of. Every bit as believable as all of the Vietnamese girls I ever got pregnant & left for dead in real life.

In short, if you can score tickets to one of the last to performances of this fantastic production you won’t be disappointed. It’s community theatre at it’s finest which will leave you heartbroken & begging for more.

Unless there is a next time,
Goodbye forever.

Luke Venables
Portugese Rice Waxer

Jesus Christ Superstar: Belated Reviewing

darthtanion — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 05:28:31 +0000

Hi folks,
OK I’m going to write this really quickly because chances are that by the time you read it the show has already closed so who really cares what I say anyway. On Wednesday I was fortunate enough to score myself tickets to Harvest Rain’s JC Superman. Having done that I decided I would use them & then tell you all what I thought about it. As I write this I’m very aware of the fact that the show closes tonight so it kind of feels like I’m writing Jesus Christ Superstar: The Why Bother but in keeping with convention I would now like to present to you…

Jesus Christ Superstar: The Review

Executive Summary: I loved it. Not as good as their amazing production of Songs For A New World but still pretty damn sharp. *wink*

Review: OK so just to get this out of the way, first I’m going to start this review the same way I start all of my reviews about Harvest Rain’s productions. I know these guys. They are friends of mine. If I didn’t like the show I would not be objective about it. I would still tell you I loved it & just go to hell for lying before I ever gave them a bad review. Better yet, I just wouldn’t write a review! In short, you can’t trust my opinion but it’s so late in the season it’s not like you really would have anyway.

Let’s start out with the things I didn’t like about this show. There was only really one thing I didn’t like but in some people’s opinions it is a fairly big thing. I didn’t like the musical… at all… I just don’t like JC Super Ted. I think it is massively overrated & as a story, stinks. I know that sounds horribly blasphemous of me but let’s look at it critically. I’m not trying to say the actual bible story of Jesus is poor. It’s lasted 2000 years so far & people are still writing songs & making movies about it so it has to have at least a few engaging elements. I’m saying the story put forward in JC Supermarket is average. I’m saying if you didn’t know about the story of Jesus then it would make no sense at all. I’m saying if the bible had never existed & this was just a musical story written by some guy rather than a musical story ripped off by some guy it would be completely pointless but most of all, I’m saying Tim O’Conner is the musical theatre equivalent of Sir David Attenborough. He can make the most pointless, boring, cow pat of a subject absolutely enthralling & that’s what he’s done here. The simple fact of the matter is that everybody does, at least loosely, know the story of Jesus so trying to make this plot stand on it’s own two feet is not a challenge you have to overcome. It’s overcome for you. The real challenge is making the music entertaining & this has been done by way of the amazingly talented Maitlohn Drew. The arrangements & presentation of the songs in this production are fresh & imaginative. The obvious standout was Mary’s solo I Don’t Know How To Love Him. A song that has been done to death by everyone under the sun was given a completely new lease on life thanks, in no small part, to Naomi Truloff, who’s characterisations are always amazing to watch.

The lighting, sound, epic set (I mean seriously epic) & ensemble cast were fantastic. I remember thinking how meticulously the show had been choreographed however, speaking with Tim after the show he said it wasn’t choreography but the cast had just really owned their roles & taken it upon themselves to put 110% into every scene & it really makes a difference. Nobody appeared to be slacking or tiring. No matter how hard I looked (because I was trying to find something to fault these guys on) everybody was completely devoted to the character they were playing. It was brilliant! The show started out with the breath-taking vocals of Tod Strike who had, by far, the hardest role in the show; Judas. Yes, Jesus is a very challenging role too but Judas starts up & stays up & when he is backed by the awesome ensemble cast it made for some magical theatre.

Well, that’s it… that’s my whole review… what? Oh fine. I guess I have to say something about the guy that played Jesus but I’m not happy about it. Having performed with Luke Kennedy I’ve seen how much good press this guy gets & the thing that really gets up my nose is that he deserves it! In every way! I hate to add fuel to the fire but he can sing, he can act & he is a nice guy. In short, I hate his talented, friendly, better-looking-than-me guts. Hey Kennedy! If you’re reading this I’ve got an idea for you. I want you to go out, rent a copy of Who Framed Roger Rabbit & take it to a public toilet. I don’t mind which one but the dirtier the better. Start it playing (you make need to do this on a laptop or something. You’re a smart cookie, you’ll figure it out.) & when it gets up to the part where Christopher Lloyd starts laughing with those “burnin’ red eyes & that high squeaky voice” just dunk you’re head in a bowl, flail your arms around & pretend it’s me howling in the background with delight. Rinse & repeat. Seriously though, I’m just jealous. Luke Kennedy is flawless in his portrayal of Jesus. I know praise of this guy is so common these days it almost feels like a band wagon I have to jump on but there is a reason for that. He’s fantastic. His rendition of Gethsemane is the greatest I have ever heard. I don’t mean the greatest I have heard live or in Brisbane, I mean ever, anywhere, in any medium & I’ve even heard LUKE KENNEDY sing it before! The final knife in my side was at the end of the evening when my partner looked towards Luke’s lovely wife & say “Aww… she gets to go home with Luke KENNEDY.” I’m not even kidding. He was that good.

Anyway, it’s now 3PM & the final show goes on stage at 6:30PM so if you haven’t already got tickets then you had better hurry. The season all but sold out anyway & so it should have. This show is everything Brisbane theatre needs & deserves the great success it has enjoyed. I just have one final thing to complain about. The lady sitting in front of me.

Dear Madam,
Did you enjoy the show? Me too. Did you know they now have an invention called a hair straighteners? You should use one or some bobby pins or a large bucket of water or anything that would keep your massive, Fran Fine-esq hair do from blocking the view of half of the theatre. I thought I’d gotten turned around when heading to the show & ended up in a Flock Of Seagulls reunion. Seriously, you made Effie look like Angry Anderson. Any time someone moved to the middle of the stage it looked like they were walking on a cloud of your hair. At what point of the night’s preparations did you turn to the mirror & say “I know what look I’ll go for. Recently electrocuted!”? Next time you’re coming to the theatre please give me a call & we’ll organise to go together. That way you can sit next to or behind me.
Sincerely,
Luke J. Venables ESQ.

Did you see the show? If so I’d love to hear your impressions. If not… suffer in your jocks.

Unless there is a next time,
Goodbye forever.

Luke Venables
Future King of Your Backyard

Why Oh Why Do I Choose To Fly

darthtanion — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 21:20:30 +0000

Dear Interwebs,

Of recent times I’ve become dangerously aware of the fact that this blog has had an awful lot of reviews on it. Don’t get me wrong, I love reviewing things. It’s a chance for me to pretend others care about my opinion &, more importantly, pretend I care about anything. The only problem with that is it means I haven’t had a good rant for some time now. You know what I mean. A good, old fashioned, I’m-bored-&-have-nothing-to-do-so-I-think-I’ll-complain-about-something-for-a-while rant. They’re fun, they’re easy & they give me something to do while I’m sitting on my 90 minute flight to Sydney. You will have to forgive me though. I’m very tired & thus I will be easily distra… (hey look they have little TV’s in the roof.) …cted so this might take a while.

I can tell that the first question you are hoping I won’t answer is “Why are you going to Sydney, Luke?” The short answer is: I forget. (I could probably abbreviate it even further by just posting a picture of me flipping you the bird but that just seemed inappropriate.) The long answer is: I forget, I think it’s a conference or the ballet or a small gathering of Semi-European males with ever-so-slightly-more-than-slightly effeminate hobbies but it’s not important. I’m not here to rant about that, I’m here to rant how about how I got here this morning.

It’s just turned 7AM which means I’ve been up for three & one half hours. That’s right, I got up at *mumble… mumble… mumble… carry the two… mumble…* 3:30AM! This is not a ridiculous ask. It’s a little crazy but it happens. Allow me to take it from the top. It was a dark & stormy night. (Seriously, it rained last night.) I got home from rehearsals (I use the plural because I had rehearsals for three different groups plus some private tuition. To put it plainly, I was tired.) & started to prepare the one or two things… (holy crap they just showed footage of the Pamploma Running of the Giant Things With Horns… Ouch) …I needed for my overnight stay in Sydney. Shirt, pants, varying selection of native American head dresses, etc. One thing I made sure of was that I had checked in for my flight. I looked at train times & according to Translink I would be there with an hour to spare provided I caught the 4:40AM train. I shuddered a little at the thought but resigned myself to getting up at least one hour before what bogans affectionately refer to as the “butt-crack” of dawn. (Hey look, it’s 17 degrees in Buenos Ares.) I awoke on schedule, showered on schedule & left the house on schedule. Transfered some money over to my spendings account & headed to the ATM to get cash out for the train. It is at this juncture I would like to point out to the people who run my bank that ATM’s do not need sleep. Just because it’s so early in the morning that even the sparrows are still staggering their way home from the previous night’s drunken escapades, I should still be able to withdraw money. The first ATM told me that I didn’t have enough money. (I checked on my phone. The money was there.) It then wouldn’t even give me a balance because “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.” The next ATM was closed. Not broken, CLOSED! Fortunately the third ATM was just right & Goldilocks got her legal tender. I then continued on to the train station. My train never came, so I caught the next one. A bit scary but not a real problem. I was early anyway. The next train decided it would be cool to stop at Roma St station for half an hour or so. WHY?!?! Did the train get tired? Did it’s wheels get sore? Was it the litle train that COULDN’T?!?! I gave up asking these questions after several people ignored/called the authorities on me & then gave up on the whole train system all together. By this stage I had started to panic. Planes have a tendency to leave without you if you’re not there so this could turn very ugly. It was time to go taxi. I called any random taxi company that would answer, ordered a taxi then promptly ignored that booking for the first taxi that drove past. My first question was how long will it take to get there. Fortunately, he was pretty sure we would be there in time so I relaxed a little. Once I did that the taxi ride was a wonderful experience. Twice the cost but it was so easy & the driver was just chatty enough to keep me amused but not annoyed. Now I know why they say “Once you go taxi you’ll never errr… ride the tracks… E… again… train tracks.” Never mind. I then had to sprint to the check in area to get my boarding pass printed where I got stuck behind two people who thought it would be a good idea to plan their holiday while they were standing at the counter. It essentially reduced QANTAS to one open counter because they not only tied up the person who was serving them but also the supervisor who had to come over & help. Fortunately, I got my boarding pass printed & sprinted for dear life to the gate. I have discovered that airlines have the amazing ability to put every gate at the end of an amazingly long hallway. You then have to walk down another long hallway after you go through the gate so what is the first long hallway even for? (Excuse me one minute. The plane is landing.)

Ooooh look it's the... you know what it is.

OK. Back. It’s now 9:47PM. Sorry, I didn’t really get a chance to get back to you after we landed. You’ll live. (Excuse me. I’ll be right back.)

OK. Back. It’s now just before 6AM on Saturday. Sorry, I fell asleep. We’re not really getting far with this so I probably should wrap it up. Long story short, I made it to my plane & to Sydney but almost had a heart attack from fear I wouldn’t. I must admit it has been quite lovely here. I went to an awesome restaurant called Phillips Foote where I was treated to a lovely, huge T-Bone steak like this:

The bread was crusty, the steak was tender & the cook was kinda weird looking.

I selected it myself from their meat display then BBQ’d myself on their communal BBQ’s. It’s freaking awesome. Then I got treated to a hotel room view like this:

Should I spit out the window?

Which is hard to gripe about either. All in all I guess this turned out to be a good trip so I still don’t actually have anything to complain… (did I just hear a kitten?) …about. It sucks having an awesome life sometimes. Oh well. Now I just have to make it to the airport on time to get myself home. *Insert scared face*

Unless there is a next time,
Goodbye forever.

Luke Venables
Master of Salad Ponies

The Reviewer Inside Me

darthtanion — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 12:33:26 +0000

Goof de Morgan Loonies & Jelly Toons,
How have you been this past week… errr… month… errr… ok I know it’s been ages since I last did a blog post but in my defense I’ve been very lazy so the least you could do is cut me a little slack. So what, I hear you ask, has brought me out of this laziness induced state of blogospheric hibernation? Well, the good people at @reviewbrisbane have sent me along to another movie & lovingly suggested that I shove my opinion all up in your business… So here it is.

The Killer Inside Me: The Review

Executive Summary: I didn’t like some things but overall it disturbed me brilliantly.

Review: There is a subtle but distinct difference between a movie you like & a good movie. This movie fits into both categories for me but I’ll be honest & say that some people just aren’t going to like it. Not because it’s a bad movie but because it’s disturbing as hell. Being a preview screening there was a small speech at the start. (Which was lovely.) Sam (who was lovely) from Icon told everyone that this movie would split the audience due to the disturbing nature of some of the scenes. (Which were less lovely.) I think the fact that it is so disturbing is a testament to how good this movie really is. Well enough summarising, let’s get down to the nitty gritty. The first thing that has to be mentioned is the casting. Casey Affleck steals the show. That is not to say the rest of the cast is poor, they’re fantastic but Affleck is just too amazingly well cast for anybody to beat him. He is the epitome of a baby-faced-killer. His high, squeaky, more than slightly effeminate voice resonates in your mind long after the final credits have rolled. Apparently some movie goers have been saying that The Killer Inside Me glorifies domestic violence & while the scenes in question were a little difficult to watch, I really couldn’t disagree with those people more. Sam from Icon (Remember her? She was lovely.) told everyone about director Michael Winterbottom’s desire to stay true to the novel upon which this book is based. In my opinion he handles a difficult topic with class & artistry. I think it’s more than fair to say that Affleck’s character is far more unnerving than the graphic scenes of domestic violence which he depicts. Telling his victims he loves them as he ends their existence. It messed with my head so much that when my girlfriend called me afterwards, telling her I loved her as we said goodbye honestly felt truly evil.

The other thing I liked about this movie was that they didn’t go for cheap thrills. There was quite a few sex scenes but no real nudity & by that I mean no nipples. A few bum cheeks but no nipples. It would have been so easy to just flash a few tits across the screen & guarantee yourself some quick publicity. Perhaps it was artistic integrity, perhaps it was just that Jessica Alba’s chest wouldn’t fit into the movie’s budget but I really feel that it helped give the movie that 1950′s feel they were chasing.

I’m about to break a long standing rule of mine. I’m about to talk about the end of a movie. I wouldn’t go as far as to say this is a spoiler but I was a little disappointed with the very end of the movie. I can’t tell you exactly what I didn’t like but it was a very small thing. The only reason I mention it is because it was the VERY end of the movie & everybody knows that the end is the important bit. You’re always better off to have a huge screw up in the middle of a movie than a small one at the end. There were a few other things I didn’t like. Some parts of the story seemed a little rushed. I find this sometimes happens when you try to jam a whole novel into just a couple of hours. There were one or two plot holes as well. I don’t know if these were in the original story or if they were also the result of trying to squeeze the contents of a book into the dimensions of the big screen but they were slightly annoying.

All in all this movie was brilliant. Some hiccups in the story are all too easily overlooked when they are compared to the brilliance of the acting, scripting & cinematography. The Killer Inside Me opens this weekend so if you’re in the mood for a good watch I’d say check it out. Just don’t plan on feeling all warm & fuzzy when you leave.

Unless there is a next time,
Goodbye Forever.

Luke Venables
Alaskan Chilli Bean Farmer

Shoshana In Excelsis

darthtanion — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 21:16:03 +0000

Guten Tag!
It’s 5:30am but I just really wanted to write something on my blog. Fortunately I have something to write about. OK, so a few years back I was flicking around Broadway.com & I hear about how this new Elphaba had taken to the stage in Wicked & she had the coolest name: Shoshana. Without ever hearing her I decided then & there that I must love her simply so I could talk to people about her & say her name repeatedly. A few YouTube videos later I realised that this woman is regarded as one of the best Elphabas to ever grace the role, so imagine my excitement when Harvest Rain Theatre Company announced that they were bringing her out to have a bit of a sing! Well last night was the night. After a couple of months of waiting I was finally able to actually see her live &, in my usual way, I’m going to bundle up my opinions about the experience in blog form & launch them at your head through the Interwebs. This is…

Shoshana Bean: The Review

Executive Summary: HOLY FREAKING UNICORN DROPPINGS!!!

Review: I have to admit, as a singer I find the idea of me reviewing someone of Shoshana Bean’s level of talent & fame completely ridiculous. I find all of my reviews ridiculous but this one especially so. This is a woman who needed a little help when auditioning for Elphaba so what did she do? She called Stephanie J. Block, the original Elphaba, (yes she is the original, look it up) & got her to sing to her down the phone! When you have people like that willing to help you I don’t think you’re siting there waiting to hear what The Ninja Chicken has to say of you but never the less I’m going to say what I think anyway & damn the torpedos. (You aren’t really going to shoot me with torpedos are you?)

As you may have guessed by my intro, I’m a bit of a Bean fan. That should probably be a good indicator that there isn’t going to be a lot of negative stuff to say in this review. Be that as it may, every reviewer knows that you won’t be treated as a legitimate reviewer unless you can always find fault with the subject of your review, even if that fault isn’t really there. With that in mind, here are the things I didn’t like about the show:

I wore too much cologne
My suit coat felt a little scratchy
Shoshana didn’t have a six-foot Maltese guy with a blog about martially trained poultry standing next to her staring at her dreamily/creepily while she sang to just him for the entire concert. (I really feel this would have made the whole night awesome.)

Sorry to complain so much but I had to say it otherwise I’ll never be taken seriously as a reviewer. Now, on to the good stuff.

SHE WAS SO FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!

I don’t mean the “Hey, I won $250 on a scratchy. Freaking awesome!” level of freaking awesome. I mean the “Chuck Norris & Christopher Walken walked into my living room & started playing Stairway to Heaven just as Wolverine finished baking me sugar cookies.” kind of awesome. She seriously blew my mind. The Powerhouse was the perfect venue for the evening’s entertainment. If you’ve been there then you know it’s distinct, graffiti look & feel. Combine that with some very simple, dusty lighting & it was almost like sitting in a jazz bar somewhere in down town New York which suited her style perfectly. The great thing about the Powerhouse is that it only seats about 500 so every seat is a great seat. I was somewhere around the middle of the audience but I think the only way my seat could have been any better was if they had placed a La-Z-Boy on stage at the feet of her amazing accompanist James Sampliner & let me watch her from there. I do think this is a concert that needs to be seen up close & personal at least once however. Don’t get me wrong, Shoshana Bean is a true performer. If she was performing to a packed 15 000 seat theatre I have no doubt every person in the back row would have gotten a great show but being as close as I was meant I could see all of the little things she did as well. Especially for the quieter numbers. It just added an extra layer of enjoyment & if Shrek taught us anything, it’s that layers are important.

In all honesty I do not know how she does the things she does with her voice. She can go from absolutely belting her hair off to the most beautiful, gentle rendition of My Funny Valentine in a heart beat seemingly without any effort at all.

Finally, perhaps my favourite part of the night & something that I thought really showed off what an awesome woman she truly is, Shoshana Bean stuck around to sign autographs.

I am possibly the only straight man to own one of these.

I know a lot of you might be thinking “she only did that so people would buy her CDs to get them signed” but you would be wrong. While speaking with Harvest Rain‘s CEO, Tim O’Conner (i.e. the guy who brought Shoshana Bean to Australia) I learned that Shoshana didn’t think she would have anything like the following she does here so she only brought 50 CDs with her for her whole tour. They were sold in about half a second. (I managed to get one but only because I was willing to punch out an old lady & ride off on my horse.) She must have signed at least 300 autographs on little Shoshana Bean cards she handed out for free. Plus she posed for a photo with me so if you say anything nasty about her I’ll punch you.

Yes, she did say she liked my shirt.

In conclusion, this was a fantastic night. The best thing about seeing stars like Shoshana Bean is that she brings out the real music theatre buffs so you know everybody was just as excited to be there as I was. She now moves on to Adelaide & Sydney so if you happen to be in the area don’t miss this show. Details can be found on www.eventful.com so check them out.

Did you see the concert? Let everyone what you think in the comments section below.

Unless there is a next time,
Goodbye forever.

Luke Venables
Left Handed Alien Salesman

Bomb Testing vs The Ninja Chicken

darthtanion — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 13:53:59 +0000

Howdy doody y’all.

OK so I just got home after picking my girlfriend’s mum up from the airport. While I was there I got bomb tested. The act of getting bomb tested doesn’t really bother me but I do find the whole process a little stupid & pointless for a couple of reasons. Firstly, if I were a terrorist planning to bomb a plane, I would pick a busy flight during a busy time. During busy times they can maybe test 1 in 10 people if they are lucky. That means on a flight of 100 people, 10 of them have been tested for bombs. Put another way, 90% of people on the flight did NOT get bomb tested. So in other words, the only way a terrorist is going to get caught is if he is a crazy kind of unlucky or he rides the short plane to school. However, the thing that really gets my goat up (is that a saying?) is the fact that they have actually placed a ban on jokes while you’re getting tested. I mean really… jokes? I am yet to hear of anyone laughing to death except maybe in that one Monty Python sketch & while, yes, it is a very funny sketch, I think the details have been slightly exaggerated. So, as a minor rebellion, I would like to present a very small act of defiance. Ladies & gentle-not-ladies, please enjoy:

50 Jokes I’ve Always Wanted To Make While Getting Bomb Tested

Your Mum’s the bomb. (There I got it out of the way early. Happy?)
Could we hurry this along my shoes are starting to heat up.
Of course you can test me, I’ve changed out of the clothes I was wearing when I made it anyway.
Those things can’t detect Adamantium Nitrate can they?
It’s fine, I left the real bomb on the plane that brought me here.
Phew! DON’T WORRY GUYS, I THINK IT’S BROKEN!
You don’t have any friends on flight 915 do you?
Just out of curiosity, do you think a bomb would be most effective if I sat at the front or the back of the plane?
Are you adverse to all forms of killing passengers or just bombs specifically?
BANG!
How much do I look like a terrorist? I mean on a scale of one to Muslim.
What do you mean I’m “free to go”? AH CRAP! I must have left it at home.
I’m sorry, my eyesight isn’t so good. Is there still fertiliser on my foot?
Man I hope I set the timer on this thing right.
It’s been nice knowing you.
Ah bomb tests. I think I’m going to miss these most of all.
Do you smell napalm too?
Wow, you’re lucky that came up negative because I was either going to set this thing off on the plane or here.
Oh don’t even bother, mate, those things never catch me.
72 virgins here I come!
Just how hard is it to break through the cabin door?
How about if I just keep one bomb?
I like my explosives like I like my women. In my underwear.
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
Oh but you’ve got to let me on. We haven’t had a good terrorist attack for AGES!
Your infidel technology intrigues me.
Hi. How ya doing? My name’s Theodore Kaczynski but everyone just calls me “Ted”.
So I’m guessing your life insurance will take care of your wife & kids for a while right?
No sir, all of my explosives are in my checked baggage.
Pull my finger.
OK but once I’ve actually gotten on the plane there’s no more security, right? Promise?
So, have you ever met a real terrorist before now?
Thank you & a happy day of reckoning to you, sir.
Yeah that’s fine just don’t test my left hand.
Why no I’m not carrying any explosives. (But if you’re looking for some I know a guy.)
“Sex bomb, sex bomb. You’re my sex bomb.”
Have you caught any terrorists today? Well then how do you know that magic wand is even working?
So anyway, I was speaking with him just the other day & I said “You’re always so serious, Osama…”
So, did you fail the exam to become a real cop or have you always just aimed low?
Let me get this straight, you search everyone for nail clippers but just randomly select people to see if they’re carrying bombs?
You don’t need to test me. I’m wearing a condom.
Yes actually, I am a terrorist but I’m on vacation.
Could you hold this suitcase for me?
RRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!
If I just shot a guy would the gun powder set this thing off?
If I’d known there was going to be a test I would have studied.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me! I’ve never seen a positive result before.
Wow! So glad I handed my backpack to that guy.
Oh no I don’t use bombs, I just sell them.
If you catch a terrorist do you arrest them or just point that stick at them & yell “Expelliarmus!”

OK, so if you’re still reading at this point you either skipped to the end or weren’t so offended by me making jokes about global terrorism that you decided the only rational course of action was to burn your computer down. I’m hoping it was the latter. Anyway, if you think I missed any feel free to let me know in the comments section below but if you decide to try any of these out at the airport, leave me out of it. I will not be held responsible if they stick their magic wand anywhere that could be considered against regulation.

Unless there is a next time.
Goodbye forever.

Luke Venables
Future Waterboarding Victim

Songs For A New World: My Last Farewell

darthtanion — Fri, 28 May 2010 23:47:50 +0000

Hello once again ladies & gentle persons of indiscriminate gender. Welcome to another bout of pointless rambling from yours truly. I must admit that I am writing today’s blog with a slightly heavy heart for today marks one week since the closing of Songs For A New World. Since that time I’ve been able to kick off my shoes, replace them with my Superman thongs (yes I really own a pair) & get back into the groove of my life pre-Harvest Rain but before I can completely say goodbye I need to done one final thing.

Songs For A New World: The Wrap Up

My whole Songs (I’m abbreviating it from now on) experience was pretty brief & so hectic that I never really got a chance to blog about everything that was going on. Perhaps you didn’t really care but hey, nobody is forcing you to stay. (hehe just kidding… if you leave I’ll come to your house & cut you while you sleep.)

The Show: My first experience with Songs was 3 or 4 years ago when a friend sang I’m Not Afraid Of Anything. She did an amazing job & I decided I must perform in the show one day. Of course deciding you MUST do something & actually DOING it are two very different things & not being a producer of music theatre in any way meant I was pretty powerless so naturally I was quite excited when I got the following email:

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am a Nigerian general who has recently inherited $6 000 000 after the death of my darling mother. If you would like me to give it all to you for no suspicious reason at all please be at the Harvest Rain warehouse on Mina Parade this weekend so we can meet.

Best regards,
Completely Trustworthy Stranger Jr. III

I had a sneaking suspicion he was using a fake name but who cares. Six million dollars is a lot of money. Sadly he never showed but by an amazing stroke of luck Harvest Rain were auditioning for Songs! What are the odds? By an even more amazing stroke of luck I got cast as Man 2 & the whole journey kicked off.

The People: Before I ever work with anybody I have this nasty little habit of researching them to see what they’re like. If I’m being honest a lot of people said a few not so nice things about Harvest Rain. Not about anyone in particular, there are just some rumours going around about the group in general. I heard one rumour that said they employ lots of gay people & try to keep them straight & then another one that said they refuse to hire anyone who isn’t a heterosexual. Let me tell you that if EITHER of these stories are true then Harvest Rain is really not living up to people’s expectations. There is a more diverse cross-section of people in their employment than at a Pauline Hanson protest rally & nobody is concerned at all! DISCRIMINATION FAIL!!!! They had gay people working with straight, short people working with tall & even skinny people working with me! It was like a real life version of that musical episode of Different Strokes I always wished they made.

The most common story, by far, & the one I think I take the most exception to, is the rumour that Harvest Rain are cliquey. (Cliquey – adj. – kl ee kee. 1. An exclusive group of friends or associates who don’t let you play with them because you’re nerdy or you like comic books or you write your own blog, even though the only reason they don’t do it is because they are big stupid heads… Sorry, where was I?) If you are reading this & think “Oh NOES! I told Luke they are cliquey!” then don’t worry, lots of people did. Nobody said it out of malice, people actually believe it but this is one rumour I have to put to bed now. There is a big difference between a clique & a family. The term clique is usually used to describe a group of people who exclude others & I am living proof that these guys don’t do that. I was welcomed into their family with open arms & invited to dinner & taken out to try my first sushi & never once was I made to feel unwelcome. If they were cliquey people, why would they do that? I doubt they were trying to impress me. I am a complete nobody in the theatre world but these guys made me feel like I was part of something special so for that I say “thank you”.

P.S. They are so totally a cult though. They sacrifice interns to the pagan god Dumbledore every winter solstice in the hope that he will convince the Sorting Hat to give them a bountiful Horcrux… or something like that. I could never keep up.

My Final Thought: Did you ever do something in your life that was so perfect you were almost (please note the use of the word almost) glad it ended simply because it meant you could no longer mess it up? Well that’s how I would describe my Songs experience. I really feel I met some amazing people & together we made some amazing theatre & now it is crystallised as a perfect memory that can never be taken away from me. I know the audiences were small but I think that made them even more special. Kind of like Collector’s Edition People. Especially the ones who were so moved by the show that they came to see it two & three times or sent us emails or came up & shook our hands in the foyer afterwards. It really was so fulfilling that by the time it came to an end I didn’t feel as sad as you might expect. I now simply look forward to the next time I get to work with Harvest Rain again… even the gay people.

Unless there is a next time,
Goodbye forever.

Luke Venables
Carnival Worker Teeth Removal Artist

Dani Girl: The Story of One Girl’s Quest for Cool Blonde Headgear

darthtanion — Wed, 26 May 2010 13:23:24 +0000

Greetings goosebumps & fairy winkles,
After an extended leave of absence to perform in a show I’m back & blogging again. You’re welcome. Once again those wonderful folks over at Review Brisbane have sent me off to another piece of local Brisbane theatre in the hope I will load my opinion into a shotgun & fire it at your head & by that I mean write a review about it. You’re welcome. And so without Feathers of Dew I give you…

Dani Girl: The Review

Executive Summary: Sometimes the only thing you can say is “Thank you”.

Review: To begin with I’d once again like to lay everything out on the line honestly. The makers & some of the stars of this show are my friends so, naturally, there is a chance I’m going to have a bias. If you have a problem with this fact then I’m going to need you to build a bridge & go jump. If you are able to put that aside then let’s begin.

Before Harvest Rain‘s production I had never heard of Dani Girl. I did a small amount of research on the show to find out the basic idea behind it. Basically, the story is about a girl with leukemia who loses her hair & embarks upon an imaginary journey to get it back. From this I knew two things for absolute certain:

It was not going to be funny.
It was not going to be funny.

After watching the show I learned one thing:

It was funny.

Seriously, as morose as it sounds, Michael Kooman & Christopher Dimond have managed to write a musical that delves into the horrific issue of childhood leukemia yet still keep it light-hearted enough so you don’t feel like slitting your wrists halfway through the first song. You continually find yourself fighting back tears just seconds after laughing your head off. Not all of the credit for this can go to the writers. The cast does a wonderful job of delivering this work. The four stars (& I use the term very deliberately) Juanita Ellis-Gloster, Heidi Enchelmaier, Shaun Kohlman & Tyson Stuetz are all part of Harvest Rain’s intern program (at least I think they all are. I did less research on that fact than I do on most of my “facts”.) &, if I’m being completely honest, do lack a little in stage experience. This is not to say they aren’t far advanced over many others of a similar age & with similar amounts of stage time under their belts, because they are. The only real reason I mention their lack of experience is because of the positives it brings. All of them are completely fearless on stage. Many of the character choices they made could have gone really wrong if they were made by someone with just a little more experience who would have played things a little more safely. In order for 18 year olds to convince the audience they are 9 they have to be as fearless &, well, inexperienced on stage as a 9 year old is in life. This means that, in general, something that would normally be considered a weakness kind of works as a strength.

Before even stepping into the theatre tonight I was pretty sure this was going to be a bit of a tear jerker, or at least it was intended to be. Just because something is intended to be sad doesn’t necessarily mean it is going to pluck the required heart-strings. I really wasn’t sure if they were going to be able to pull it off but the second Enchelmaier sang her first notes I felt a lump rising in my throat. I was amazed at how instantly I believed she was a child. Exactly the same compliment can be made of Kohlman. These two fill the stage with a beautiful chemistry that really provides a fantastic foundation on which the show builds itself. Special mention must be made of Kohlman’s rendition of Why I Love The Movies. Perhaps it’s just because I would love to sing the song myself but it simply tore my heart out.

Stuetz is hilarious as Raph. He posses the amazing ability to look like an English butler when standing with the added bonus of being able to morph into an earthworm when needed. His versatility is a real asset to the show & many of his laughs stemed not from his script but from his portrayal & for this he should be applauded. Ellis-Gloster performed admirably in what I think is the hardest role of the show, the mother. Amidst all the craziness & immaturity of the other characters she has to remind us that what we are seeing does have a realistic side. She also has the un-enviable job of having to walk the fine line between being constantly worried without becoming whiny & annoying. Her solo towards the end of the show was also one of the highlights.

Finally, a hearty congratulations has to go to debutant director Carmen Glanville & her production team. Her direction shows wisdom beyond her years. I loved basically everything about her vision for Dani Girl. It was heartfelt, honest & raw. In short, everything it needed to be. The set design was beautiful in its simplicity & whoever did the lighting design needs an award. It was really clever & made you complete forget you were sitting in shed.

Who Should See It:
-Those in the mood for a good cry
-Those in the mood for a good laugh
-Anyone wanting to support emerging artists

Who Shouldn’t See It:
-People looking for big lights & loud bangs
-People too young or immature to really get what it’s about
-Small, half-breed spider-goats who got lost on their way to the circus

I hope everyone goes along to see this show while it is still showing as these guys deserve packed houses. Feel free to leave comments if you do.

PERFORMANCES
26th – 29th May 2010
Wed to Sat 7.30pm

VENUE
Mina Parade Warehouse
81 Mina Parade, Alderley QLD

TICKETS
All tickets $15.00

Unless there is ever a next time,
Goodbye forever.

Luke Venables
Slightly Oversized, Indian Head Dress Shoveler

Songs For A New World: Reason For A New Blog Post

darthtanion — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 21:09:43 +0000

Ahoy, hoy boys & girls. I’m starting this blog post at 5:30 Ante Meridian (for those of you who don’t speak Latin that means “covered in cheese”) because I’m so excited I can’t sleep. As I have mentioned in previous blog posts I recently auditioned for Harvest Rain Theatre Company & they liked me… they really liked me. So much so that they have cast me in their upcoming production of… wait for it… oh I forgot, it’s in the title of the blog post. Yeah it’s Songs For A New World. Kind of ruined my build up there. Anyway here is a picture.

oooooooo... we all look like grown ups.

For those of you not familiar with Songs For A New World it’s a musical/song cycle written for four people, by Jason Robert Brown. A man famous for writing music so hard it could be used to bludgeon someone to death with & for insisting everyone use all three of his names even though they are almost always abbreviated to just JRB. This is a production that I am super excited about. I don’t mean that in the boring, almost sarcastic, Oh-I’m-super-excited kind of way. I mean that in the traditional, wow-I-think-my-brain-just-exploded-from-too-much-excitement kind of way. Obviously, performing with an exploded brain does present certain challenges but I’m willing to give it a go. This is for several reasons. 1) I get to work with some fantastic people. These guys are some of the best that Brisbane has to offer. It even says so in this completely impartial article right here. 2) I have wanted to perform in this musical since I first moved to Brisbane. There was a production happening just after I arrived here & I was basically told not to bother auditioning. My ego was sufficiently bruised. 3) This production of Songs For A New World is going to be different for any other you have ever seen. Before I auditioned for the role I spoke to a friend who had seen it. She said she thought it worked better as individual songs rather than as a show. After talking with our director Tim O’Connor at the first rehearsal yesterday, I can assure you that is not going to be the case when we do it. He has ideas that are so far from left field they are practically in the right field of the next field over. (Does that even make sense?) Whatever you think you know about the show should be left at the door. Don’t worry we’re not going to be re-arranging the music or experimenting with the inclusion of a live rhinoceros. Tim just has ideas to, without changing anything, give the show much more cohesion & take it in directions no one ever thought of or been brave enough to try. It’s difficult to explain without giving away spoilers but trust me, it’s good. Of course the most important reason for me to be excited is reason number 4) MY MUMMY IS COMING TO WATCH ME!!!

In all seriousness though, working with three professionals such as these is terrifying & exhilarating all at once. Aside from the fact that these guys have all worked together before, Luke Kennedy has toured the world with The Ten Tenors & Angela & Naomi are not only well known Brisbane performers but are both part of the singing sensation I raved so much about in my last post, The Divas, so they are all pretty much amahzing. (Divas fans will get that.) If you don’t believe me here are a few videos I prepared earlier.

Wow… did you hear those harmonies?!?! What’s that? Not enough? Well check this out.

I have never heard that song sung anywhere else by anyone else but I’m pretty certain this is the greatest version ever. If you still aren’t convinced then I can only suggest you head over to www.harvestrain.com.au & get yourself some tickets to Songs For A New World. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll laugh at other people crying with laughter. It’s going to be a fun sandwich. I hope you’ll be part of it.

Are you coming to see the show? Have you seen the show before? Do you feel a live rhinoceros would help develop the characters? Why not say so in the comments section below?

Unless there is a next time,
Goodbye forever.

Luke Venables
Official Star Trek Turtle Next Tester